Missing Daddy...

I miss R.

Being on holiday visiting the family is always nice. I get along great with my family and enjoy my time with them. (Very lucky that way...) Staying at my parents always felt like being at a hotel. Good food, great bed, all the amenities of a 5 star place. Nice change from looking after myself 24/7.

But this time feels different. I'm miss being tucked in at night, miss being R.'s little girl.

We talk every evening before bed but it's not the same as having him sit on the edge of the bed, tuck the sheets around me, and kiss me good-night. I truly feel like a little girl, all safe and sound.

A little girl just needs her daddy, I guess.

Free Advice For The Newly Dominant

So, you want to be a dominant? Okay, one simple but very important piece of advice from a sub's POV:

DO NOT BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW!

Go slowly and introduce new rules a little at a time, on a trial basis.

Long lists of rules will become hard to manage as a dominant, and hard to adjust to as a sub. Do not forget that grown adults are not given to blind obedience, so tread slowly and thoughtfully.

If you take on too much, you’ll end up struggling to enforce rules or forgetting the rules, or failing to notice when one has been broken. This can cause resentment on the part of the sub and stress on the part of the dominant.

If you fail to notice - and attend to - transgressions you will not earn your sub’s trust or respect for you in this role. Remember, this is not just about sub obedience; it’s about you setting up situations where your sub can succeed. You should both feel good about the rules being followed.

Be sure to discuss rules as you implement them, and explain why you think it’s important to put it into place. If you can’t easily clarify it, then re-think it. WHY establish the rule if it has no purpose?

This doesn’t mean the rule has to always be easy for the sub to follow. On the contrary, subs should be challenged to push themselves a bit; it brings a sense of accomplishment. It’ very rewarding for someone with a submissive personality to sacrifice things for their dominant. But pace yourselves, make the sacrifices count. Celebrate them.

Every body and every relationship is unique. You don't know how rules are going to work on a practical level, until you’ve put them in place for a bit, so you need the freedom and flexibility to revoke/rearrange rules as you try them out. Your sub’s input is invaluable in this regard. This is a partnership, no matter what titles you use.

More is not better when it comes to rules and routines. More is usually just cumbersome to juggle. Build the path to a D/s relationship one brick at a time and both parties should feel a sense of satisfaction.

And, in the words of Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata:

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You will make mistakes, you’ll have to say I’m sorry…But so will your sub. You’re both human after all, and this path takes courage on both sides. If you can’t accept these two things right now, then don’t begin this journey. You’ll only end up with regrets and resentments.

A good D/s relationship is dynamic and beautiful and strong, but it’s work, just like any relationship. Grab your dominant ovaries - or cajones – and rise to the challenge.

It’ll be worth it, in the end.

Dominant as Pygmalion

This piece of artwork, and indeed a lot of Michael Parkes' artwork, has a distinctive D/s feel to it.

While not readily apparent to many people I find much of his art speaks to me on that level, although I suspect that Mr. Parkes may simply be expressing the Pygmalion myth of artist as creator.

To me that speaks to the idea of dominant as creator; a creator who sculpts their images of relationship/sex/love/psychology onto his/her human medium. This is not to suggest that submissives/masochists/slaves are blank slates, but rather beautiful pieces of marble, clay, wood, or canvas with flaws and gifts that the sculptor uses to create something even more beautiful.

Maybe this is a lofty idea, maybe this is an unattainable goal, but I do know that after many years of submission I am certainly a much more attractive product.

The work of many dominants has left its mark on me, and I'm much closer to living at my real potential than I have ever been before. I've accomplished things and discovered hidden talents, sometimes reluctantly at first, things I can take pride in now .

(Cooking comes to mind!)

One of the main requirements I now have of a dominant partner is that they take an interest in my abilities and talents, and make it a priority to encourage and support my further growth. I think this is a great responsibility but one that is not too much to ask in exchange for my service, obedience, and loyalty.

No relationship street can take you far if it only goes one way.

I don't believe the artist, or the dominant, goes unchanged by their creative endeavours either. I'd like to think that they themselves grow and reach a greater potential through the efforts of their dominance.

Even a spanking can leave its marks, on both parties, physically as well as spiritually/emotionally...

Myths For Tripping Over...

There are countless myths floating around out there in big wide web land; myths propagated by chatrooms, forums and porn sites. Myths about how things really are, when in reality they really aren’t that way at all.

One of the myths newcomers to BDSM often get waylaid by is the myth that you can have an ongoing, deep, intense, master/slave relationship with a casual bed-buddy.

Sorry, but after 8 years I just don’t buy it.

As a submissive I’ve felt that burning need to kneel at someone’s feet and call them Sir, or Master, or High King Of My Universe; I’ve entertained my share of Grand Poobahs, hoping beyond hope that the two evenings a month they could spare would curb my yearnings.

I spent weekends believing I was someone’s slave and woken up Monday morning alone in my own bed, pissed off because they weren’t there to direct me until god-knows-when-they-got-horny-again.

This may not be a popular view, and perhaps somewhere out there, someone, somehow has managed to make a casual play partner into their Master but personally, short of stories I’ve heard online I haven’t seen it happen in real life.

Now if you’re talking about a little kinky role-play, or a little recreation to help you forget about that report you have due in less than a week, okay, maybe you can fashion yourself some kind of casual power exchange.

But I don’t believe that anyone can call themselves someone’s master/mistress if they’re only interested in a casual part time position.

Anyone wanting the job of mastering me has to be there for more than sex, more than getting their proverbial kinky rocks off. He has to care about more than orgasms – mine or his. He has to be there when the rejection letter comes, when the boss is unreasonable, when the dog/cat/gerbil dies.

So, the myth that someone can be a fulltime master/mistress and still maintain their emotional and or geographic distance seems unlikely to me.

Perhaps it’s just me. Perhaps only some of us need the connection, the trust, the bond brought on by close consistent contact.

Maybe only some of us who have a slave heart need to know that their master/mistress is there, anytime we need them, that we count for more in their lives than their computer game or the next episode of American Idol.

Yes, I wholeheartedly accept that I don’t speak for everyone, but to me casual is not what a deep intense power exchange is about.

I’ve never succeeded in staying committed to anyone who can’t match me loyalty for loyalty.

So, go ahead and entertain those chat-room fantasies of a slave in every port, of a harem of slaves who languish prettily by their computer screens loyally awaiting your email or webcam presence.

Just don’t be surprised when you find out the begging is just a pretence, and the obedience is just a hollow promise.

For me, I’ll hand my collar over to someone who knows what a commitment it is to hold a leash; and isn’t afraid to step up to the task.

Somehow it’s just sweeter that way.

And No Babysitter!

I'm on my own tonight. In the apartment I've called home for 17 years or so.

So why does it feel strange?

Maybe because I'm not so used to sleeping in my own bed anymore? Or sleeping alone anymore? Could it be both?

Thank goodness for phones...and daddy doms.

This little girl needs to be tucked in before she can sleep.

::grin::

24/7 D/s: Unicorn or Horny Horse?

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Starting Off On The Right Foot

The question of how to initiate new enthusiasts to BDSM came up in a post on the Alt forum, BC Moderated. I’d like to address it in more detail here since it’s both an important subject, and one in which I had a fair bit of good luck at the start of my own journey.

Weeks before engaging in any actual play, my first dominant and I sat together at his computer and looked at a collection he had of fetish pictures. Not extreme stuff, just things representing light bondage, spanking, gags, clothespins on nipples, etc. We talked about my reaction to each photo, and I was encouraged to rate them in terms of interest, and to share any concerns or misgivings I had about each activity.

This was an excellent way to start because I had to learn to express my concerns and interests openly and honestly. This is an important skill many adults lack when it comes to relationships and sex, and it was made easier by the understanding that I was not committing myself to jumping in right away.

He also used this time to teach me a little about the dangers inherent in such things as bondage and wax-play, as these subjects came up. This built not only a good foundation of knowledge for me right from the beginning, but also instilled in me the important lesson that bottoms need to be educated. We’re every bit as responsible – and more - for our well-being and happiness as our dominants, but some people sadly learn that the hard way.

This lesson has served me well, time and time again.

This technique (which in many ways was just about building a habit of good clear communication) also created a strong sense of trust and security. I came to believe that he knew what he was doing and was concerned for both my mental and my physical health and safety.

Through these discussions he got a sense of where to start, and could more effectively plan scenes and introduce me to new activities with confidence that I wouldn’t suffer morning-after regrets, a very unpleasant thing for all parties.

I think it's also extremely important to note that experienced players should always attempt to aid novitiates in separating erotic fantasy from reality. Newbie’s often fantasize about such things as mummification or extreme CBT, but that doesn't mean they actually know they'll enjoy it. Lots of folks aren’t aware of their triggers until something sets them off, and when this happens in the early stages of a person’s discovery it can negatively affect their future enjoyment of BDSM.

My first dominant believed that if a scene left the sub wanting more, as opposed to being grateful it was over or bored of repetition, than he considered it a success. Eagerness for the next session creates a valuable dynamic for both parties. And that’s something that happens through careful attention on the part of the dominant, good communication on part of the sub, and trust on both sides.

From The Past: Written 2001

I was surfing online and came across my first BDSM website. Here's a piece I wrote at the beginning of my exploration of BDSM:

The question that led me to research the world of BDSM and the psychology of submission is one that has been nagging at me for over 25 years.

WHY, at 15, had I provoked my first true love into spanking me...In public? I knew somehow deep inside that if he did, it meant that he loved me.

What a strange idea.

And yet, for no rational reason I could articulate, I wanted him to prove his love by controlling my bratty behaviour. It's not as though I wanted to be abused. It's not as though I came from an abused background and it was the only kind of love I recognized. It wasn't as if I was searching for an absentee father.

I just KNEW that if he cared, if he really, really, loved me, he'd take me over his knee in front of all those people and spank me.

He did.

I loved him wildly for 5 years, although we weren't together that long.

Looking back I know what it was I loved about him. I loved that he was strong. Determined. Not afraid to take control. Not willing to let ME control HIM. Not NEEDING me to be responsible for him.

I have always felt somewhat responsible for the world. A silly thing to be sure, but a powerful illusion anyway. If it rained on my friend's parade I felt it was my fault the sun had not come out. The universe just might not turn without me there to guide the orbits.

Many of us have this strange complulsion.

Most submissives are people who take on a great deal of responsibility. They are often strong and powerful people. They are leaders, people who are relied on by their friends, families and employers. People who are compelled to take control of a situation.

Of course this takes a strong person. But even strong people get tired. The universe is a heavy place to hold up after all.

At the very least you will find that most submissives excercise a great deal of control over their small part of the universe.

And this is the secret - for me at least - to my desire to be submissive.

For those moments in time when I am bound, when I have given that control over to someone else for awhile I am at peace. I am free. I am without responsibility for the world. Someone 'loves' me enough to take it off my shoulders. To let me fly.

In those moments, everything else falls away. There is nothing I need to do but follow where my Dom leads. There is nothing else I CAN do.

And that is a wonderful place to be...for awhile.

I don't want to be powerless in my life. And this is what a lot of people think being submissive means. I just want to have my power recharged. To take a respite and come back to the world just as strong and powerful as before.

So now I know it's not about abuse. It's not about weakness. It's about being strong enough inside to trust that I can put aside power for awhile and get it back when I'm ready.
Not so strange after all....

Schoolgirl For Real.

So, still working towards being accepted into a full-time program at Dougie College next fall.

This will require that I pass a math assessment in the next 2 months.

The good news is that it only requires the skills equivalent to a passing grade in B.C. High School Math 10 or 11.

The bad news is that high school was 30 years ago. The worse news is I sucked in math then, and I still hate it now.

So last week, R. purchased me a set of math workbooks intended for students in grade 5 and 6, and sat me down at his dining room table to get working. God knows I'd forgotten how to do the simplest tasks. (Damn calculators!)

Like a good girl I worked solidly for over an hour, happy to find that it was coming back to me as I went through the first few pages. When it was over, R. let me have a piece of chocolate as a reward.

As I dashed to the fridge to grab my treat I felt absolutely and completely like an 8 year old again.

Ah, the pleasures of daddy/little girl relationships.

::grin::

I have a long way to go, though, and I'm the first to wonder if I've bitten off more than I can chew. I guess I don't doubt my ability to accomplish this task, as much as I look at the calendar and wonder if I'm insane for thinking I can accomplish this in time, without hiring an professional tutor.

R. is doing his best to keep my spirits up but there are moments I just feel the whole thing is an exercise in futility.

Somehow I swear I hear my high school math teachers laughing maniacally and muttering we told you so.

When they say your high school foibles will come back to haunt you they aren't kidding. I'm paying now for thinking I was smart enough to go my whole adult life avoiding math.

Well, off to work on fractions and order of operations...Think mathematical thoughts my way...

Some Moments Are Perfect...

"Give me your face."

::SLAP::

More Than Leather And Lace...

I was pondering the idea of rituals in M/f D/s relationships and started wondering why a fair amount of them seem to revolve around the submissive's appearance.

I suppose a lot of it revolves around the fact that so many men are visual and the way a woman dresses and does her hair can make a huge difference in his feelings towards her.

In so many long term relationships it seems the fire and sexual energy dies after a period of time and my guess is that so much of that comes down to the old adage about familiarity breeding contempt.

Moving in together (even just part-time living together) can play havoc on any relationship. So many of us greet our man in high heels and mascara at the beginning of the relationship, and then eventually start greeting them in flannel pants and t-shirts. It's often just a matter of necessity and convenience, and pretty unavoidable.

Lingerie that creeps up our backside, or fails to cover our bottoms, finds its way to the back of the drawer and we stop worrying that he'll see us in the comfy cotton ones our mom gave us for Xmas.

After a while those rarely comfortable push-up bras and bustiers only come out on special occasions, and as they things wear out - or stop fitting! - we find there are more serious things to spend money on.

So, one obvious reason for this apparent obsession with appearance is that when a male dominant takes charge of his submissive's appearance he is ensuring that his desire for her will stay fresh. He heads off the problem of her letting the visual stimulus fade, and if his tastes change he simply starts leading her her into his latest fantasy look.

This is only one aspect however. There are deeper layers around controlling such basic adult choices as what clothing to wear that can truly make a submissive feel she has given over power to the man she wishes to please.

There are also the delicious darker kinks of objectification that come from carefully orchestrated appearance choices.

She can become little more than a doll for him to dress, perhaps. Or he can turn her into a schoolgirl, a whore, or a french maid for a period of time, and she ceases to be his lover, his friend, his partner. She is now a new woman he can explore, make love to, abuse...whatever tickles his fancy.

Most males love variety when it comes to sex and poly is not for everyone.

These things that work so well for male dominants work for most female submissives, as well. Many of us enjoy the kink of being someone society doesn't let us be. We also love the loss of control we feel when faced with something as fundamental as losing the right to choose our underwear.

When a dominant makes a decision about these things the female submissive may find herself in a position all day long of being reminded of the D/s relationship.

Just ask any submissive who has worn some article of kinky clothing under her work clothes.

Hot, hot, hot.

I'm sure I'm only tapping the surface here, but there are very good reasons that these rituals are so attractive to those of us in the lifestyle. It's no wonder we instinctively lean towards them.

Myself included.

You're The Boss!

A very interesting question about submissives being required to give private fashion shows for their dominants was raised in the LowerMainland Lifestylers forum today.

This was my response:

As many submissives are exhibitionists I suspect this is a common playtime scenario. I enjoy both being told what to wear and getting opportunities to surprise my partners with my creative creations.

Gotta love dress-up time! Seeing that look of lust and possessiveness in a dom's eye is one of my favourite things.

BDSM has been great for my self-esteem in this regard, but my empty wallet and my bulging closet are not as happy.

There are so many ways to express dominance and submission in the world of D/s, but most of us become aware of it first through the internet and porn. So those new to D/s can be definitely forgiven for mistaken impressions that it's all about whips and chains. And sex, of course.

(Funny thing that so many males newly identifying as dominant believe blow jobs to be the number one thing guaranteed to make a submissive woman bow to his power. Coincidence or strange genetic encoding? But I digress...)

Yes, sensation play, pain, bondage and sex are all wonderful aspects we incorporate into D/s, but these things in themselves are not what makes someone dominant over another person.

The key, of course is in control and the ability to maintain a power dynamic that puts one partner firmly in the lead.

So many subtle, simple ways a dominant can exercises their control.

Clothing is one of them. Determining how your partner dresses is one way to exert definitive power over them. This can be done in small measures or large, of course, depending on individual tastes and preferences.

Personal hygiene is another. A common example is how many male dominants insist their female submissives keep clean-shaven, or fingernails long and polished.

Small daily routine things are an excellent way to create a seamless day-to-day sense of D/s without dragging out the "Kneel, Bitch" or cane every morning. Sometimes these are elaborate and thought-out, other times they grow naturally.

Titles are an extremely common way to do this, although it can be argued that this technique has been overdone. That's a debate for another post.

So much of what determines dominance is subtle and hard to describe. Tone of voice, natural demeanor, body language...

Without these aspects as an underlying foundation no amount of flogging or length of rope will make someone into a dominant.

I notice that the new MVK (Metro Vancouver Kink) group here in Vancouver has scheduled their official first workshop on December 1st and the title is Topping Without Tools.

Excellent choice!! I think rope bondage workshops and seminars on genital torture are absolutely necessary for safety and the development of varied and exciting scenes, but what's often missing is this basic prerequisite course. It may seem obvious that you don't need floggers and eye hooks from the ceiling in order to dominate, but sometimes the obvious gets overlooked.

As a submissive who has enjoyed the company of many new dominants I'm pleased to see this workshop in place. It's about time!

PS. In regard to the little graphic to the left, only a dummy pretends to know what they're doing when they haven't a clue.

Sure, I Whined But...

It's days like this when one appreciates a daddy dom.

For the last few months (and longer in reality) there's been several pressing issues in my life that I've only been willing to dabble my toes into the solution pool on.

One of them was some unavoidable, overdue, dental work.

I dread dental appointments, and have a long, bad history of discomfort and aggravation associated with them. This surprisingly causes me to avoid regular appointments, which in turn causes me to need to see a dentist, which in turn is uncomfortable, and starts the cycle all over again...

(Yes, I realize this is all hard to believe, and I'm the only person to engage in this self-defeating behaviour...)

Yesterday, it became painfully aware that this issue would be avoided no longer.

After a restless night complaining of a fairly sudden persistent toothache, I was informed by R., that even though we already had a full day ahead of us, dealing with the career issues I face, we were also going to see to solving this tooth issue.

Today.

He was determined I wouldn't spend one more night in pain, nor would he spend a second night sleeping on his couch in order to avoid disturbing my sporadic, pain-wracked sleep.

It seemed an impossible task, made even harder by my mixed emotions to his decree.

I dearly wanted to be free of this pain, but having no current dentist, and a limited dental plan I just didn't see how we could make any headway today.

Thanks to his unwavering sense of daddy-dom responsibility, (not to mention genuine concern over my discomfort), and a serendipitous reference from a friend, this afternoon found me in a dentist's chair, viable treatment options neatly set in place, and drugs in hand to make the short wait for the permanent solution more bearable.

Although I'm writing this while still slightly tripping on codeine, I'm very clear on one factor...

Without R.'s daddy dom concern and persistence I would still be suffering, and probably still struggling for a good solution.

I'm a pretty grateful little girl.

A grateful, non-pain-wracked, lucky little girl.

Now, off to try and recover from this codeine stone...

Happy weekend, all.

Child's Play

The Universe has a definite sense of humour.

Just when I’d pretty much figured that my days of enjoying Daddy/little girl play were past I find myself involved with a Daddy Dom.

Of course there are so many positive things about Daddy/little girl play. The nurturing, the moments of silly mischievousness, being read to…

A little girl could get used to such things.

::grin::

I suppose the only downsides I can see to Daddy/little girl play is the possibility of getting stuck in that single dimension of D/s.

I mean, I adore those moments of playfulness, and who doesn’t like being nurtured and pampered? But, is it something I could live with on a fulltime basis?

I think that's highly unlikely. I’ve never been all that one-sided as a person. I have many interests, many moods, and many surprisingly varied needs. Not to mention the sides to my personality I haven’t even begun to discover yet.

I’m not looking for a D/s relationship that traps me in one role. A relationship that casts me as only the Ingénue is going to leave a large part of me malnourished.

It’s not that I particularly see this happening with my present dom, it’s just that in the back of my mind I’m aware of the limitations of getting locked into one form of D/s interaction. I suppose I’m thinking of this now mainly because R. and I spent a good portion of our time this weekend involved in Daddy/little girl dynamics. It comes natural to us, and we seem to draw an inordinate amount of satisfaction from it.

I definitely enjoy letting my inner-child out to play.

But there’s also an inner-slavegirl, and a inner-kitty; not to mention some inners that haven’t been out to play yet.

::grin::

At the moment I don’t have any particular fear that those other sides of me will be neglected; I suppose I just felt the need to give them an opportunity to whisper I’m here, I’m here…

It’s tough being a complicated submissive…

But a whole bunch of fun too.

I like to think my dom agrees.

::contented sigh::

Anxiety Rears Its Ugly Head...

Wow, only been back to work a week and my anxiety level is through the roof.

Freaked out about the upcoming year and whether I'll land up unemployed and unemployable by June. I know somehow things will work out, they always do, but I sure feel like I'm about to find myself up the creek without the proverbial high-powered outboard motor...or even a damn paddle.

Politics are a bitch.

The powers that be have decided they want me to upgrade my credentials since I’ve been in the field so long that my old papers are pretty much parchment.

This is something they’ve been harping on for a few years now, but try as I might I can’t see myself getting thousands of dollars into debt to take a course I could teach in my sleep. I’m already in more debt than I ever expected to be because in 2005 they decided to place me on part-time in order to save themselves a few hundred dollars. They likely saw no financial gain from that decision and I end up owing Visa a few thousand dollars.

Can you say, Screw me?

Now they look at me blankly when I say there’s just no way I can afford to go back to college. The fact that they’ve made it impossible for me to afford it escapes them totally, even though I was very direct in explaining the situation.

(Something that was hard on my pride and ego…)

I’m greeted with the unwavering response of Well, if you aren’t enrolled in the program by January it’s unlikely we can re-hire you.

A decision not brought on by licensing requirements. A decision brought on by administrative coldness, and perhaps a bit of schadenfreude.

Nice way to show how much they appreciate all the years I’ve put heart and soul into helping deaf children and their families achieve their dreams.

You know, they say following your passion can make you blind and stupid.

I guess I’m a textbook example.

All I wanted was a modest career where I could love my work and make a small difference in the lives of a few people…but here I am, looking at starting over from scratch at 48 years old with nothing much to show for all my years of hard work and dedication.

Ah well, I have little choice but to trust in The Universe. Answers will come in time, I suppose.

Add this to being completely broke after my NY trip and my inability to dredge up the courage to approach my boss for a small advance. She’s less approachable than usual due to the stresses of a new school year starting and I have no energy to enter that lion’s den.

Hmmm, toss in some regret over eating movie theatre popcorn last night. Something I almost never do, but given the stresses of the week, I caved. There goes a whole week of healthy eating.

::sigh::

I’m not sure why I’m even writing about this as it’s not my nature to write such negative and personal things in my online blog.

Maybe it’s partly because I’m trying not to focus on how I disappointed my dominant yesterday.

Nothing so serious we can’t talk it through, I believe. As close as I can figure it was brought on by a failure on my part to inform him of a change in plans; a mixture of several exhausting days of stress and fatigue and a miscalculation about the casual nature of a time commitment.

(Seems it was less casual then I took it to be.)

I do take the blame, I’m sure the misunderstanding was all on my part. It’s not like I’ve been thinking all that clearly the last few evenings.

I have every reason to believe things will work out fine but if we know anything at all about submissive personalities it’s that they beat themselves up harder than any dominant could.

Okay, time to stop typing before this sounds like some poor attempt at gathering leniency through sympathy.

Hmmm, seems I’m in a dramatic mood today. Ugh.

Okay, off to shower and head off to mend fences.

Have a good weekend, everyone. I’m sure going to try to.

What's In A Title?

Sexploration brought up the subject of titles and how some people seem to just use them to refer to anyone and everyone they meet in the lifestyle.

Personally, I really don't like the easy way people throw around titles. It's up to them what they want to do of course, but for myself, I've chosen not to call anyone Mistress or Master on a whim. In fact, I've never used the title. Only once, for a very short time, did I even feel a strong pull to call a partner that, and although things did not pan out between us, I do know there was a huge significance in that. It never passed my lips, but at the time it seemed inevitable.

I don't even use sir unless they are someone I've played with, or someone I feel friendship and respect for as a dominant.

Actually, there is often for me a fairly significant moment in which I begin to refer to someone as sir. I'm almost always acutely aware the moment it sneaks past my lips. It signals to me the moment in which I have mentally - and usually verbally as well - agreed to submit to someone.

The other circumstances in which I may begin to use it is when I have known a dominant friend long enough to feel secure in my respect for them. Calling someone sir means I've acknowledged them as a dominant personality. And there will always be a measure of deference in my manner towards them, even if we never decide to play with one another.

Using sir can give me such delicious feelings of surrender, joy, safety, sexual tension, anticipation, nervousness...any number of wonderful intriguing emotions. It reminds me that I can be myself with that individual, expressing my submissive nature comfortably.

Why would I want to throw it around and have it lose that sweet power?

I don't.

After almost 8 years of this lifestyle titles have remained something I use with caution and respect, regardless of how others want to use them or not use them. It works for me, and that's what counts.

Blogging For Him

It’s been a long time since I’ve been required to journal for someone. And, given that this D/s relationship is new and it’s still too early to predict where we intend to go with it, I can’t even say I know what I’m feeling about this return to active submission.

It’s long overdue, I think. I’ve missed having someone in my life who takes such an active interest in my well-being. I think for me that’s a lot of what submission is about; answering to the nurturing presence of another.

A strong male other.

He appears to be someone with a kind heart, a serious sense of humour, and a nice lack of tentativeness. This is very refreshing in someone who is relatively new to domination. Very sexy, as well.

It’s been a busy summer for me and so some of this developing D/s relationship has happened long distance.

Ironic really, seeing as he actually lives closer to me just about anyone I’ve dated.

I think the D/s in our relationship developed quite naturally, and maybe even caught us both a little by surprise, although he did know he was seeking a submissive woman when we met.

I’m not sure if he thinks he got more than he bargained for…

::laughing::

Naturally I’m looking forward to exploring where this is going to go but I’m a bit anxious as well.

It seems to be my fate to meet dominants who are new to active D/s, and the teacher in me is not easily suppressed.

How do I not make the same errors in judgement I’ve made before? How do I let him find his own style of domination and still communicate enough of what I need to be sure my own needs are met at the same time?

How do I resist influencing his domination subconsciously as I attempt to move towards a state of emotional transparency? How do I let go of the human desire to arrange things to suit my own needs and wants?

It’s a lot to think about.

The good news is, he is an easy man to talk to, to share with, and so perhaps we can avoid this pitfall together?

Time will tell.

Meanwhile I’m glad I heard his voice tonight, being a whole continent apart right now is tough. And yet, this New York trip has been so wonderful. I’m enjoying every minute of it…

Especially when I can boot up my laptop at the end of the day and share my daily adventure with someone who’s company I enjoy every bit as much as I suspected I would the night we met.

Now, off to bed, I have a museum to conquer tomorrow and possibly thunderstorms as well.

What happened to summer?

Thanksgiving...

It's Thanksgiving in Canada, and time to count my blessings.

I'm thankful for my health and my family, and all the wonderful kink friends and events in Vancouver that make my life meaningful and fun!

And I am especially thankful that I seem to have found the man who may very well earn the name Master. If someone had tried to tell me 6 months ago that a newbie dom could convince me (without trying) that he could own and control this intelligent, strongwilled, deeply submissive woman in such a loving, joyful, but firm way...I would've argued the point to death.

The future is brighter than it has ever been...

Mmmmm....

Chains on the bed. Blindfold, cuffs and ropes always handy...

::sigh::

I'm a very, very happy submissive...and an even happier woman.

A Beginning?

Things continue to go well with the new man in my life. We seem to have the same perspective on things and communicate freely.

I'm a pretty happy girl, with a very hopeful heart...and a huge crush.

::grin::