More Than Leather And Lace...

I was pondering the idea of rituals in M/f D/s relationships and started wondering why a fair amount of them seem to revolve around the submissive's appearance.

I suppose a lot of it revolves around the fact that so many men are visual and the way a woman dresses and does her hair can make a huge difference in his feelings towards her.

In so many long term relationships it seems the fire and sexual energy dies after a period of time and my guess is that so much of that comes down to the old adage about familiarity breeding contempt.

Moving in together (even just part-time living together) can play havoc on any relationship. So many of us greet our man in high heels and mascara at the beginning of the relationship, and then eventually start greeting them in flannel pants and t-shirts. It's often just a matter of necessity and convenience, and pretty unavoidable.

Lingerie that creeps up our backside, or fails to cover our bottoms, finds its way to the back of the drawer and we stop worrying that he'll see us in the comfy cotton ones our mom gave us for Xmas.

After a while those rarely comfortable push-up bras and bustiers only come out on special occasions, and as they things wear out - or stop fitting! - we find there are more serious things to spend money on.

So, one obvious reason for this apparent obsession with appearance is that when a male dominant takes charge of his submissive's appearance he is ensuring that his desire for her will stay fresh. He heads off the problem of her letting the visual stimulus fade, and if his tastes change he simply starts leading her her into his latest fantasy look.

This is only one aspect however. There are deeper layers around controlling such basic adult choices as what clothing to wear that can truly make a submissive feel she has given over power to the man she wishes to please.

There are also the delicious darker kinks of objectification that come from carefully orchestrated appearance choices.

She can become little more than a doll for him to dress, perhaps. Or he can turn her into a schoolgirl, a whore, or a french maid for a period of time, and she ceases to be his lover, his friend, his partner. She is now a new woman he can explore, make love to, abuse...whatever tickles his fancy.

Most males love variety when it comes to sex and poly is not for everyone.

These things that work so well for male dominants work for most female submissives, as well. Many of us enjoy the kink of being someone society doesn't let us be. We also love the loss of control we feel when faced with something as fundamental as losing the right to choose our underwear.

When a dominant makes a decision about these things the female submissive may find herself in a position all day long of being reminded of the D/s relationship.

Just ask any submissive who has worn some article of kinky clothing under her work clothes.

Hot, hot, hot.

I'm sure I'm only tapping the surface here, but there are very good reasons that these rituals are so attractive to those of us in the lifestyle. It's no wonder we instinctively lean towards them.

Myself included.