Myths For Tripping Over...

There are countless myths floating around out there in big wide web land; myths propagated by chatrooms, forums and porn sites. Myths about how things really are, when in reality they really aren’t that way at all.

One of the myths newcomers to BDSM often get waylaid by is the myth that you can have an ongoing, deep, intense, master/slave relationship with a casual bed-buddy.

Sorry, but after 8 years I just don’t buy it.

As a submissive I’ve felt that burning need to kneel at someone’s feet and call them Sir, or Master, or High King Of My Universe; I’ve entertained my share of Grand Poobahs, hoping beyond hope that the two evenings a month they could spare would curb my yearnings.

I spent weekends believing I was someone’s slave and woken up Monday morning alone in my own bed, pissed off because they weren’t there to direct me until god-knows-when-they-got-horny-again.

This may not be a popular view, and perhaps somewhere out there, someone, somehow has managed to make a casual play partner into their Master but personally, short of stories I’ve heard online I haven’t seen it happen in real life.

Now if you’re talking about a little kinky role-play, or a little recreation to help you forget about that report you have due in less than a week, okay, maybe you can fashion yourself some kind of casual power exchange.

But I don’t believe that anyone can call themselves someone’s master/mistress if they’re only interested in a casual part time position.

Anyone wanting the job of mastering me has to be there for more than sex, more than getting their proverbial kinky rocks off. He has to care about more than orgasms – mine or his. He has to be there when the rejection letter comes, when the boss is unreasonable, when the dog/cat/gerbil dies.

So, the myth that someone can be a fulltime master/mistress and still maintain their emotional and or geographic distance seems unlikely to me.

Perhaps it’s just me. Perhaps only some of us need the connection, the trust, the bond brought on by close consistent contact.

Maybe only some of us who have a slave heart need to know that their master/mistress is there, anytime we need them, that we count for more in their lives than their computer game or the next episode of American Idol.

Yes, I wholeheartedly accept that I don’t speak for everyone, but to me casual is not what a deep intense power exchange is about.

I’ve never succeeded in staying committed to anyone who can’t match me loyalty for loyalty.

So, go ahead and entertain those chat-room fantasies of a slave in every port, of a harem of slaves who languish prettily by their computer screens loyally awaiting your email or webcam presence.

Just don’t be surprised when you find out the begging is just a pretence, and the obedience is just a hollow promise.

For me, I’ll hand my collar over to someone who knows what a commitment it is to hold a leash; and isn’t afraid to step up to the task.

Somehow it’s just sweeter that way.