A Totally Tuesday Rant....

Yes, I know it's Wednesday, but gosh-dang-it, I never got a moment yesterday to check into fetlife to see what new prompts came up.

So here's my rant...a day late but just as full of rant-y goodness.

I really, really hate that it's impossible to find a corset that makes my boobs stand straight out like some iron chest plate on an operatic Valkyrie.

Just once I'd like to be able to rest my ample chin on my equally ample bosom and know that if I turn around I'm in danger of putting someone's eye out.

Now, my boobs are not small, they're not perky. I'm still arguably perky at the fine age of almost-fifty but my boobs weren't perky past my thirteenth year, I suspect.

(A moment of silence for my lost perky-boobed-youth...)

I try in vain but everything I do fails. Gravity wins, and the little pink exclamation points on the over-padded paragraphs that compose my mammary endowment still gaze, in great timidity and humility, at the floor.

::sigh::

Cursed, I tell you...I'm cursed.

Cursed with the gift of ample breast-hood.

Science and Engineering can defy gravity in space; it can mount upside-down Xmas trees in hotel lobbies - well, one hotel in my city did, anyway - but they can't make my boobs stand tall and proud.

It's a mystery.

If only Mae West were still around...I bet she'd know the answer.