But They Said I Was A Slave...

In one of the Fetlife groups we've been talking about how newcomers should go about learning about the lifestyle.

This is a common discussion point, and one I find difficult to ignore. No matter how many forum groups I've been on, and how many times a newcomer to BDSM asks for guidance, I just can't help feeling responsible for putting my view out there.

Too many otherwise intelligent, experienced people find themselves completely thrown into an emotional crisis when they step into the BDSM ring. Too much, too fast, and too many predators looking for fresh meat.

I don't say this to scare anyone off. If someone has urges toward any aspect of BDSM I encourage them to seek their bliss.

But there are pitfalls, and far too many newcomers sprain an ankle or worse as they rush headlong onto the proverbial playground that is the world of BDSM.

Personally I don't like to see people rushing into power exchange relationships when they haven't even yet explored their own interests and have a better sense of what they want for themselves.

Too often newcomers jump eagerly into the deep end, declare they're a slave because some dom/me in a chat-room said they were and they're left floundering when they realize they don't know how to swim.

Too often once they begin to drown that chat-room dom/me disappears, having told them they were a lousy slave/sub/bottom, for failing their master/mistress, and the newcomer is left suffering a self-image crisis, wondering how it all happened.

I've seen some pretty competent people destroyed by this kind of recklessness, and it's tough to convince them to pick up the pieces and continue to seek their bliss after such a blow.

My advice? Take it slow, very slow! Walk before you run, read before you play, and treat it like a journey. Keep your eyes and ears open and learn everything you can from every source available to you. No one person has all the answers, and no one has all the answers that are perfectly right for you.

We're all individuals, and responsible for finding our own unique way. There are maps, and there are some awful good Sherpas to help you along the way, but in the end the journey is yours, and the destination is up to you.

Just call me Sherpa-Cinful.