Someone asked a good question on the collarme forum site today about why a dominant would ask a sub to do things the sub doesn't like to do. She wondered if this meant subs were always considered inferior and their wants and desires were not important.
This was my response:
If my dominant required me to do only easy things - things I liked and wanted to do - then it just wouldn't feel like they were actually in power. I like to feel that I am truly stepping outside of my own wants and desires, truly submitting to their wants and desires.
I love it when a dominant is strong enough and secure enough in our dynamic to push me this way. It takes confidence and a strong will, and those are very sexy traits in my eyes.
This has nothing at all to do with inferiority; it's about expressing the power dynamic. And it certainly isn't about a sub's needs and wants being unimportant. I need to give up my own agenda, my own wants in order to feel completely fulfilled.
Making me do something I don't want to do reassures me that my needs and wants as a submissive are not only understood by my dominant but valued as well.
Submitting to easy things is easy; you don’t even have to be a sub to do it. It’s submitting to the hard things that challenge me and make me proud of my submissive nature. It’s then that I feel the heady sensation of loss of control and the deepest state of subspace.
I think it can easily be overdone, but that's where communication and empathy come in. It's like everything else in D/s, variety and spice is what makes it delicious.
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